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WARNING: to all future Dad’s

Men let me talk to you for a second. So you found the woman of your dreams you put a ring on it walked down the aisle and bought a house . Naturally there only one more thing left to check off. Childbirth. Now for many of you men  the idea of having a mini you sounds great! It’s a way to carry on the name or for most of you, you just want to experience what it’s like to be a father. BUT BEFORE YOU DO you need to understand the journey you are about to embark on. Yes, childbirth is a great thing. Anyone that gets to experience this wonderful and beautiful journey should be considered the ultimate blessing. But it’s not all blue skies and red roses. I write this because as women we are somewhat aware of what we going to embark on. As far as pregnancy we, as women, kinda know what we’ve sign up  for.  I do think that the men are not ready for what may happen when the baby is born. So grab a glass of wine and your dear wife, because after reading this it will most likely stir up a conversation that you and your significant other need to have.

So the day has finally come the love of your life is about to bless you with your first child! After 9 months of playing the guessing game and probably 10 plus Hours of labour and delivery, your bundle of joy has made his or her grand entrance. At that moment your life begins. No seriously it starts right now. That right, in most hospitals they will take care of your child and only bring the baby to you when he or she needs to feed. But in other hospitals that baby is with you till you leave. And guess who will be blessed to do the bulk of the work? That’s right, you! For approximately the first 2 weeks  (give or take) you get to be the one to get baby late at night and to bring him/her to mom so that they  can be breastfeed.  Why is it up to you to do that you ask? Good question! No matter what form of labour your significant other has been through whether it’s vaginal or C-section sadly mom needs to take it easy and recover. In my case I had a one degree tear, now even though it’s considered the best kinda tear you want, the healing process sucked  and really hurt to the point where I just stayed in bed and had food and baby brought to me and just let nature do its thing.Depending on the type of tear mommy has ( 1st degree, 2nd degree, 3rd degree and 4th degree which is the worst). Mother’s that have C-section are told especially to take it easy and not to lift anything, after all they were cut open to get baby out. Any stress to the body can cause the stitches to well unravel and bleeding to occur. So be prepared to be the one that will probably have to do all the work.

So how will baby be fed. If you choose the breastfeeding route be prepared to be thrown some major shade from baby. My daughter would scream her head off when her father held her . This had me super puzzled after all that’s her father why would she cry when her dad wanted to hold her. I saw how much it hurt my boyfriend so I did some research and found out why.  Mothers who choose to breastfeed their child develop a type of bond, therefore they will cling for dear life onto mom. Anyone that isn’t mom ,watch out! And that includes you dad so don’t take it offensively after a couple of months baby learns who their parents are. By the time my daughter was 3 and a half months she finally let dad hold her without crying and actually smiled for him. I’ve spoken to other women who breastfed and this was the problem for them as well but it will pass and it won’t last forever so don’t feel snubbed if your child cries when you hold him/her.
You’ve come home from a long day at work. Your significant other has just finished putting baby to bed. You think this is your window of opportunity, cue the R Kelly music. It’s been a month sure she’s  ready to do the nasty right! ! WRONG! ! This is the subject that I want all men to know.ABORT ANY ADVANCE TO HAVE SEX !! Things do not just go right back to normal things have changed for mom. Not only is she healing from this life event, but her sex drive has plummeted or doesn’t exist. Don’t expect your significant other to be that same sex kitten that she was a few months ago, especially if she’s breastfeeding. I’ll let you in on a little secret, breastfeeding suppresses that urge to have sex. You don’t believe me Google it. Plus I’ve been through it, would I lie to you? Some mothers have told me it took them as early as 3 months to as late as 1 year before they felt the urge to do the nasty. Are you prepared to go months without getting a piece of the action, for the sake of having a child? Also keep in mind that Maternity leave is not a year off its a year to deal with baby. So if she’s tired and dealt with baby all day, clean and cook and you come home wanting to get some just be prepared to her yelling in your face. Solution? Once she get her post-partum check up and the doctor gives her the okay to resume sexual activities. HELP HER!!! Its not that hard, if there is less on her plate she might be more willing to do the nasty with you (oh I’m about to make a lot of mom’s happy) don’t forget to compliment her and romance her so that she can see you still love and appreciate her even when she’s covered in baby spit up.

And finally the dreaded PPD word. PPD or Post partum depression is a real and serious issue. I’m sure the word is pretty self explanatory. After mom gives birth there are hormonal changes that occur in the body as well as the psychological adjustment of motherhood which results in a deeply depressed mommy. PPD should not be confused with baby blues.

I think that as her Partner its up to you to look out for these things so that it can be treated immediately. Most men don’t know or don’t think to look for it until its too late. In some cases some mothers who have had PPD have committed suicide or even worse murdered their child.You don’t think it will affect your love muffin? Well let me throw some facts, according to BabyCenter, 1 in 4 women will develop post-partum depression . Not to sure what to look for here are some signs

 

Post-partum depression can begin any time during the first two months after you give birth. Symptoms may include:
Irritability or hypersensitivity
Difficulty concentrating
Anxiety and worry
Crying or tearfulness
Anger
Negative feelings such as sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, or guilt
Loss of interest in activities you usually enjoy
Difficulty sleeping (especially returning to sleep)
Fatigue or exhaustion
Changes in appetite or eating habits
Headaches, stomach aches, muscle or backaches
Some women with PPD believe they can’t adequately care for their baby or may harm their baby.

(via BabyCenter)

 Having a child is a wonderful experience! This post was by no means a way to deter people from having kids, but it was rather, to educate men into what the first couple of months is like. When we think of having a child we only focus on the positive and don’t shine any light on the ugliness. For many men they wish they had known about this way in advance so that they can better prepare for it and not seem like a deer in headlights. Cause the terrible reality is a lot of marriages/relationships fail within the first year of baby ( you can Google that as well if you don’t believe me).
So there it is gentlemen all you need to know. Now you can’t say no one warned you. The best thing to do if in doubt is ask. Talk to other buddies of yours and get them to tell you about their experience as well as ask your buddies wife/girlfriend. The more you know the better prepared you will be.
Oh and just a fore warning DO NOT WATCH THE BIRTH OF YOUR CHILD! You will thank me later.
-M-

Some great sources on PPD and Baby Blues

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/postpartum-depression-and-the-baby-blues.htm
http://www.postpartumprogress.com/the-symptoms-of-postpartum-depression-anxiety-in-plain-mama-english
http://www.fitpregnancy.com/parenting/postnatal-health/difference-between-baby-blues-and-postpartum-depression
http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/postpartum-winter

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